did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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