I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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