I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
