I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
