fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
