i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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