You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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