I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My feet surprised me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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