Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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