Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
