my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
