sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
