His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think my fart just growled at me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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