My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
