So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
