All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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