Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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