the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
