Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
