bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
