I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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