I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
