I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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