She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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