I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
