Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
