Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
