his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
