My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
