Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
