He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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