So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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