Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just google imaged poop.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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