the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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