My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just found puke in my bra..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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