yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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