I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
