There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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