It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My breasts were aching with rage.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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