Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
