marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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