At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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