I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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