You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
