I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
