I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
