I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
