my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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