tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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