she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
