im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
