Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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