she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
