what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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