He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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