You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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