3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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