Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my liver is dry heaving
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
