i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
