so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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