Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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