my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
