my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
