3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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