So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
