I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
