The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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